For the last 4 days I have been reading the same Psalm over and over. It has become the thing I cling to, when in the face of adversity, I want to panic and question how God will work things out. Will we have enough to pay our bills? Will the kids get bit by a centipede? Will we ever find community here? Can I really homeschool? Should I get a job? What about our plans for adoption? Do we want to have another baby? – (I am letting you in to the craziness of my mind. I think about all these things, every day and at the same time.) The whole Psalm is speaking into our situation but there are a few verses that I find myself repeating this:
Psalm 34:4-5, ” I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears and they looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces were not ashamed. Psalm 34:8-10, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him! Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.”
I dwell on verse 5 mostly. Their faces were radiant and they were not ashamed. They were not ashamed because they trusted in the Lord. The trusted His character, His Word, His promises, His faithfulness, His guidance, His provision, His mercy, His goodness, His redemption, His salvation. Hebrews 11:6 says that without faith, it is impossible to please Him. He who comes to Him must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder for those that diligently seek Him. So right now when we are still figuring stuff out and we think about second guessing some of Gods provision, I am choosing to let my face radiate. To choose to rest in Gods leading and provision and trust Him. I, we, honor Him when we trust. When we walk in faith, when we acknowledge that everything about Him is so much greater than ourselves. His understanding, His provision, His planning, His wisdom, His foresight, His goodness, His love. I truly have to remind myself of these verses frequently, moment to moment, most days that what He is asking me to do right now is trust. I can do that, I can trust in a God who has shown Himself faithful in everyway.
Continue to lift us up, when you think of us. We have had a few great days recently where we have had a normal day, back in our groove but the enemy is always lurking. I still feel I am one centipede sighting away from feeling defeated but God sent me a gentle but loud reminder a few days ago. As I was crying about the constant state of alert I always feel I am in, I got my latest letter from Voice of the Martyrs. They were asking for prayer for a church where more than 80 people were killed and 100 injured as they left their church. I realized that I need to hush up. These beautiful believers live in constant fear of their lives. They literally know what it is like to live on alert, to watch every step. Yet, they persevere despite the enemies best efforts. They flourish in the heat of the enemy. I guess I am making a proclamation to myself here that I will not let myself feel overcome by these bugs, that the enemy has no foothold over me in this. I don’t want to be so weak that I would so easily want to turn back on all this, something I see that the Lord has knit in my very being, from such a young age because of bugs. I feel so lame thinking back on all my pleas for deliverance from them, though I am still going to go and shake out my sheets when I am done typing this 🙂
On a different note, we are doing good. Being here now is far different than when I was here as a single, college student. Most of the time, it doesn’t even seem like the same place, then every once in a while I drive by something familiar and relive a great memory. I am shocked at how well Erik is adjusting, a further testament to God calling us here. The boys are thriving. We live on a hill with several other people, all close to each others dwellings and the people right across the way have three kids and the boys are in heaven. Owen can’t believe he can have a friend and we don’t have to drive anywhere. I am getting plugged into a homeschool group over here and looking into a few co-ops as well. Cole is like a superstar. Every time we go to the beach, all the Japanese tourist can’t stop waving at him, snapping his picture. They are so sweet, one lady gave me a stack of paper plates as a thank you for letting her sit with us for a minute and take a picture with Cole. We are blessed! Pray with us for vision for the next step. What God wants us to invest our lives in over here. There are so many people groups and religions, so many unreached people. We pray God would give such clarity. That we could set our eyes and focus upon it, so that we don’t lose heart. Thank you for praying for us!